i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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