Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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