i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
