We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
