my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
