Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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