Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
