i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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