somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
