I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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