I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
