if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
