you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
