the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
