I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
