My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
