I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
