Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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