i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
