Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize