Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
