So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
