she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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