you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
