i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
