When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
