So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
