he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You pole danced in your parka.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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