I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
