I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
