I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
