Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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