Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
