I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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