She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
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just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
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You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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