mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
