How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
