Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
