did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
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I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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