I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
