a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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