Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
