thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
