I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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