I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
