I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize