Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
