Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
