I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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