Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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