My hair reeks of homosexuality.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
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Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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