Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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