so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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