She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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