I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
