Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
