Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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