Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
