I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
