Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
