I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
