So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
