I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
