Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I want to be your penis for a week.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
