i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I have tasted many bathrooms
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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