a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
