the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
