OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
