got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
