What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
